How To Dodge Child Support (Mens Corner)
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Women who have children in their late 20s can expect to immerse themselves completely in their careers in their late 40s, with plenty of time still to rise to the top in their late 50s and early 60s. Women who make partner, managing director, or senior vice president; get tenure; or establish a medical practice before having children in their late 30s should be coming back on line for the most demanding jobs at almost exactly the same age.
FC-1 Academy Player & Parent Corner
Along the way, women should think about the climb to leadership not in terms of a straight upward slope, but as irregular stair steps, with periodic plateaus and even dips when they turn down promotions to remain in a job that works for their family situation; when they leave high-powered jobs and spend a year or two at home on a reduced schedule; or when they step off a conventional professional track to take a consulting position or project-based work for a number of years. Peaking in your late 50s and early 60s rather than your late 40s and early 50s makes particular sense for women, who live longer than men.
And many of the stereotypes about older workers simply do not hold. A survey of human-resources professionals shows that only 23 percent think older workers are less flexible than younger workers; only 11 percent think older workers require more training than younger workers; and only 7 percent think older workers have less drive than younger workers. Whether women will really have the confidence to stair-step their careers, however, will again depend in part on perceptions.
Slowing down the rate of promotions, taking time out periodically, pursuing an alternative path during crucial parenting or parent-care years—all have to become more visible and more noticeably accepted as a pause rather than an opt-out. Institutions can also take concrete steps to promote this acceptance. For instance, in , Princeton established a tenure-extension policy that allowed female assistant professors expecting a child to request a one-year extension on their tenure clocks.
This policy was later extended to men, and broadened to include adoptions. In the early s, two reports on the status of female faculty discovered that only about 3 percent of assistant professors requested tenure extensions in a given year. So in , under President Shirley Tilghman, Princeton changed the default rule.
Some Divorcing Couples In For a Shock
The administration announced that all assistant professors, female and male, who had a new child would automatically receive a one-year extension on the tenure clock, with no opt-outs allowed. Instead, assistant professors could request early consideration for tenure if they wished. The number of assistant professors who receive a tenure extension has tripled since the change.
One of the best ways to move social norms in this direction is to choose and celebrate different role models. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie and I are poles apart politically, but he went way up in my estimation when he announced that one reason he decided against running for president in was the impact his campaign would have had on his children. If we are looking for high-profile female role models, we might begin with Michelle Obama. She moved from a high-powered law firm first to Chicago city government and then to the University of Chicago shortly before her daughters were born, a move that let her work only 10 minutes away from home.
Even as first lady, she has been adamant that she be able to balance her official duties with family time. We should see her as a full-time career woman, but one who is taking a very visible investment interval. We should celebrate her not only as a wife, mother, and champion of healthy eating, but also as a woman who has had the courage and judgment to invest in her daughters when they need her most.
And we should expect a glittering career from her after she leaves the White House and her daughters leave for college. One of the most complicated and surprising parts of my journey out of Washington was coming to grips with what I really wanted. I had opportunities to stay on, and I could have tried to work out an arrangement allowing me to spend more time at home.
I might have been able to get my family to join me in Washington for a year; I might have been able to get classified technology installed at my house the way Jim Steinberg did; I might have been able to commute only four days a week instead of five. While this last change would have still left me very little time at home, given the intensity of my job, it might have made the job doable for another year or two. Deep down, I wanted to go home. I wanted to be able to spend time with my children in the last few years that they are likely to live at home, crucial years for their development into responsible, productive, happy, and caring adults.
But also irreplaceable years for me to enjoy the simple pleasures of parenting—baseball games, piano recitals, waffle breakfasts, family trips, and goofy rituals. My older son is doing very well these days, but even when he gives us a hard time, as all teenagers do, being home to shape his choices and help him make good decisions is deeply satisfying. Women have contributed to the fetish of the one-dimensional life, albeit by necessity.go site
Men's rights movement
The pioneer generation of feminists walled off their personal lives from their professional personas to ensure that they could never be discriminated against for a lack of commitment to their work. Today, however, women in power can and should change that environment, although change is not easy.
When I became dean of the Woodrow Wilson School, in , I decided that one of the advantages of being a woman in power was that I could help change the norms by deliberately talking about my children and my desire to have a balanced life. Thus, I would end faculty meetings at 6 p.
After a few months of this, several female assistant professors showed up in my office quite agitated.
Child Support: Why Some men Hate Paying It
Ten years later, whenever I am introduced at a lecture or other speaking engagement, I insist that the person introducing me mention that I have two sons. It seems odd to me to list degrees, awards, positions, and interests and not include the dimension of my life that is most important to me—and takes an enormous amount of my time. This does not mean that you should insist that your colleagues spend time cooing over pictures of your baby or listening to the prodigious accomplishments of your kindergartner. It does mean that if you are late coming in one week, because it is your turn to drive the kids to school, that you be honest about what you are doing.
Indeed, Sheryl Sandberg recently acknowledged not only that she leaves work at to have dinner with her family, but also that for many years she did not dare make this admission, even though she would of course make up the work time later in the evening. Her willingness to speak out now is a strong step in the right direction. She borrowed the term from her friend Gretchen Rubin, who wrote a best-selling book and now runs a blog with that name. As a daughter of Charlottesville, Virginia, the home of Thomas Jefferson and the university he founded, I grew up with the Declaration of Independence in my blood.
Last I checked, he did not declare American independence in the name of life, liberty, and professional success. Let us rediscover the pursuit of happiness, and let us start at home. But what about the real world? Most American women cannot demand these things, particularly in a bad economy, and their employers have little incentive to grant them voluntarily. Indeed, the most frequent reaction I get in putting forth these ideas is that when the choice is whether to hire a man who will work whenever and wherever needed, or a woman who needs more flexibility, choosing the man will add more value to the company.
How Many Kids?
In fact, while many of these issues are hard to quantify and measure precisely, the statistics seem to tell a different story. A seminal study of U. Examining announcements of family-friendly policies in The Wall Street Journal , Arthur found that the announcements alone significantly improved share prices. In , a study on flexibility in the workplace by Ellen Galinsky, Kelly Sakai, and Tyler Wigton of the Families and Work Institute showed that increased flexibility correlates positively with job engagement, job satisfaction, employee retention, and employee health.
This is only a small sampling from a large and growing literature trying to pin down the relationship between family-friendly policies and economic performance. Other scholars have concluded that good family policies attract better talent, which in turn raises productivity, but that the policies themselves have no impact on productivity. Still others argue that results attributed to these policies are actually a function of good management overall. What is evident, however, is that many firms that recruit and train well-educated professional women are aware that when a woman leaves because of bad work-family balance, they are losing the money and time they invested in her.
Even the legal industry, built around the billable hour, is taking notice. Deborah Epstein Henry, a former big-firm litigator, is now the president of Flex-Time Lawyers, a national consulting firm focused partly on strategies for the retention of female attorneys. The answer—already being deployed in different corners of the industry—is a combination of alternative fee structures, virtual firms, women-owned firms, and the outsourcing of discrete legal jobs to other jurisdictions.
Women, and Generation X and Y lawyers more generally, are pushing for these changes on the supply side; clients determined to reduce legal fees and increase flexible service are pulling on the demand side. Slowly, change is happening. At the core of all this is self-interest. Experts on creativity and innovation emphasize the value of encouraging nonlinear thinking and cultivating randomness by taking long walks or looking at your environment from unusual angles.
Space for play and imagination is exactly what emerges when rigid work schedules and hierarchies loosen up. It is also a place where people take leisure as seriously as they take work; where companies like Google deliberately encourage play, with Ping-Pong tables, light sabers, and policies that require employees to spend one day a week working on whatever they wish. No parent would mistake child care for childhood. Why should a spouse that chooses to wrong their spouse and child be rewarded with more time and monitary gain? She has two other kids with the guy she left me for.
Maybe this is an exception to the rule but my son is losing in this situation. I am in complete disagreement with the article but as she said, every case I different. A woman who leaves a relationship for another man, should at least be prepared for the repercussions of doing so. She should be able to stand on her 2 feet with or without the support of the man and even more so if the man is very actively involved with the child.
I cannot understand why a man should further pay child support if he leaves the the home to the woman, he supports his child by paying daycare, insurance and taking care of the child essentials. In this case, it is the man who 8s rebuilding himself and building a future for his children. As parents, we will find the most economic way of doing things because we want to save and have financial security.
If I am doing the nurturing, spending time with the kids, being involved in their development and participating on all front, then why should I pay extra to the woman? Or why should she feel the need for me to put money i her hand? Had my first at 21, not knowing what i was getting myself into.
Came from a broken home with no mother or father. Here i am 29 with 3 boys and an outstanding monthly payment child support… At thispoint I am a child support slave. Never had the means to get on my feet, especially not now.
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Now every day is a constant struggle. I literally cannot make it in life on my own without the help of a spouse. The systen has succeeded in breaking me down to nothing. I am judged because of my financial struggles, and have no say what so ever in the raising of my boys..
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I can pay 8 months consistantly, and then turn around and be in court for contempt after missing 3 payments… Todays child support punishes those whom struggle. I guess youre supposed to be a professional athlete or entertainer or a millionaire in order to ever progress in life and reach goals with a looming recurring debt.. Im not asking to be removed, im just asking for a reasonable amount that is actually managable. When its all said and done i will have paid , in child support, but wont have a home, car, or a life to enjoy. I will most likely be paying this debt until i am in the grave….